My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
