you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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