you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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