I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
