thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
