I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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