i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
