Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
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I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
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I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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