Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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