I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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