I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
