Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
