...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
