I can tuck mytits in my pants
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
