Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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