fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
