WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
