This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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