Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
