thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
