i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
