You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
