i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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