We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
