no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
