I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
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You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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