remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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