Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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