when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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