Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
