I should be sponsored by Trojan
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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