Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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