K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
