she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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