I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
