My liver just broke up with me...
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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