I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
