I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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