Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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