she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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