Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
