We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
