This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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