Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
