I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
