normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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