There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize