I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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