The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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