You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
