I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
