How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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