Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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