you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
