You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
