Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
