So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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