please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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