i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
