Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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