I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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