Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
