so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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