I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
