I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
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I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
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I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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