Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
