Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
