dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I understand Curling. That high.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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