i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
