We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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