im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
