i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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