If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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