the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
