i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
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Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
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"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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