Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
