I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
