I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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