So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
