so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
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