we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
