Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
