ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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