Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
cat food counts as protein by the way
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
