You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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