i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
