dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
